Sunday, May 13, 2012

Living posi+ively

So I was lurking on a tumbler account of a friend over Twitter. I do not know him personally. Neither do I know his name nor his face. All I know is he is positive and, despite, he lives positively. Yes, he conquers each and every single day of his life battling with AIDS.

AIDS, what do I know about this?

It's fatal. It appears no symptoms but attacks you until the very last breath of your life. It could be acquired in as fast as 2 minutes. And so many other information that google has fed me about this disease. 

He frequently tweets about ARVS, Lamivudine, Avolam etc.. Heck would I care about such terminologies. Never did I encounter those meds in my whole life as I only know Carbocisteine, Cough Syrup and Neozep. But why on the earth am I so much interested with this extraordinaire guy's life? 

Have you guys ever read the book 'Orosa-Nakpil'?. It is a book written by someone dealing with the life of an HIV Positive and the people surrounding him. Upon reading the last parts of that book, I could not help but to cry. Tears continuously fell down as if it happened to me in real life. I was in the arms of someone when I began reading that book. I asked him 'What if one day we'll find out I am positive. Would you remain the same or you'll turn your back on me like you never knew me at all? ' and he honestly answered 'Say you have acquired it from someone, I would remain the same but you should not expect that we could still do things we used to enjoy. Of course, restrictions will be there but know that it is for our own betterment'

What if one day you wake up and find out that you are a carrier? How would you deal with it? How would you cope with a disease that even up until the very present time no antidote has been invented? How would you tell your parents that you have gotten it because you played unsafely? How would you face everyday knowing that sunrise is always a question? How would you face the mirror with all the scars the disease has imparted you? and lastly, how can you go back to the normal life you used to have? 

Here goes backtracking and asking myself, what if? 

To be very honest, I am afraid. How would I answer the questions above? What will be my initial reaction? How will my family accept it? How will I tell them? Would I survive? Would I last? 

This guy has been fighting for almost all of his life. His tumbler account may not be the exact representation of all the hurts he torments from, but it shouts out loud that it touches few hearts who happened to read his blog. I may not feel how the ARV touches my throat, may not feel how painful is hurt, may not experience what he experienced but I know it's something that opened my eyes to reality. Reality that is not only written in books, in blogs or in twitter, but is in someone's circulation and could also be in our circulation, in my circulation. 

I may not have the courage to answer all my questions above but I do hope that if one day, I'll show up with a red ribbon on my shirt, people will see me as the same Marcus who cheerfully greets every morning despite its imperfection.  

For you unknown friend, I wish you nothing but wisdom to face each day with courage. May all the love in the world be with you always. Keep holding on!