Wednesday, March 4, 2015

let this be this for now.

I have loved, I was loved. I made it felt, I felt it, too. We were happy, delusional. We made plans, we hoped, we vowed to have them accomplished. We shared laughs, tears. We were almost there.

Ours was not typical. It was neither conventional. It was one of a kind. It was, at first, envied. It was, in the beginning, perfect. We were almost there.

We slept together. We created dreams together. We were so happy. I was so content. I told myself 'this is it!' We were almost there.

Growing up, I was always the confident one. I am so assured of myself I can do things- alone. I never needed a shoulder to lean on. I never asked for ears to hear me out. I was always heard anyway. I am so capable. I have something unusual. I was almost there.

Little did I know, a man will come to make me feel I am vulnerable. Someone who will make me feel I am a lesser earthling. Someone who, at some point, destroyed my established confidence. Someone who can change me in an instant. He made me feel we were almost there.

Perhaps, that's the beauty of falling in love. It changes your perspective. It changes your personality. It can renew you either for the better or whatever. It gives your life new meanings. It is almost there.

Sunset came, we parted ways. It was painful. It was sudden. It was heartbreaking. I lost my sanity. I wanted to fight for it. I cried. I asked for chances. I tried. He responded with cold shoulders. Did he also think we were almost there?

I was left alone. I was grieving. Will I make it there?

One morning I realised, I am still me. I am still the same Marcus who fought the hardest battles no one would ever want to give a damn. I am that little kid who was once tagged intellectually capable and advance. I have not lost myself. I have just lost my sanity but not my worth. I have legs. My arms are still in pair. I have not lost the lobes of my brain. I can still smile. For once, I am certain. I am still able. I can get there.

The road may still be long and winding. I know I will still meet people along the way. People who will, hopefully, take me back to sanity. People who will give me reasons to write what's on my mind. People who will take me there, or at least help me get there. 

This is never ending. This is a cycle. 

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